Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.