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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"