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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.