Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.