Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."