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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!