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Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.