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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."