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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.