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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
and alcohol are now friends.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!