Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell