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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.