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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair Iām losing?
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.