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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.