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I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.