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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Mondays are middle finger approved
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.