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I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.