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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360