Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.