Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
In space they just call it "Jam"
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.