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One trenta cheeseburger please.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.