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Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"