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I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?