Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
Do you really have to breath that much?
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.