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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.