Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.