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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.