Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...