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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
My brain has too many tabs open.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"