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My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.