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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
Please do not read this.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...