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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Been there, done that. allegedly
A man is as faithful as his options
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"