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Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.