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Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I just ran a .003048K
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time