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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.