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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.