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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...