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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
AWESOME!
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"