Daily Silly Status

I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.

When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?

I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))

I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.

I have the rest of my life to be an adult.

Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.

I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers

If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.

If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.

Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.

Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."

I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.

Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.

I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.

Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?