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If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.