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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?