Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.