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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"