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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.