Daily Silly Status

I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.

I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.

I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.

I like people... From a distance.

If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"

I`m not homophobic, I love my house!

Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.

A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....

I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.

So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?

"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.

I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.

I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.

I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.

According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.