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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
I grew up for this?
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.