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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I’m bored enough to clean.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.