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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.