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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!