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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.