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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.