Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.