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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.