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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I`m having an out of money experience.