Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.