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My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.