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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.