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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.