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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out Iām not fat. Iām a panda.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Iām always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)