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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)