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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Most problems can be solved with nudity
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.