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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"