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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
I don`t care about your status...
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.