Daily Silly Status

I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.

It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

I like it like that

I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.

The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.

I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.

A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.

Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.

No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.

Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.

You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.

If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.