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I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!