Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....