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This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.