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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Warning: I just get weirder.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.