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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok