Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.