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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro