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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.