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I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Relationship Status: eating
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.