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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
only fights if pillows are present.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!