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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling