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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"