Daily Silly Status

I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.

Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "

Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…

I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.

A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.

I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.

I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush

I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.

Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back

I may have just inadvertently accomplished something

This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.

I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.

*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?

I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.