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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.