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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.