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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
My life coach just benched me.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".