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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."