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Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
"Iām not drunk!ā is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
I won employee of the month!!!ā¦. again! I love being self employed.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.