Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my mind had a delete button.
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...