Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.