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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.