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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.