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I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?