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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.