Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
My wife thinks Iām at work. My boss thinks Iām home sick. These ducks think Iām awesome because I have the bread.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
I just had DĆ©jĆ vu...and you were an asshole both times.